By may of 2005, Martha's mother had been living with her for three months. Martha met with a psychologist who told her that the fact that Morgan (Martha's daughter) hates having Grammy at their house "seals the deal": To protect Morgan's self-esteem, Martha's mom "must live somewhere else". Her psychologist suggests assisted living places in town. Martha's health can eventually be in danger from all the stress that is put on her from taking care of her mother. One day, Martha, her mom Judy, and Lydia (Judy's friend) tour the assisted living places to see which one fits her most. Each assisted living residences offer similar amenities: three meals a day in a main dining room, snacks, a library, a hairdresser, daily activities such as coffee and conversation, ceramics, concerts, and outings in a facility van. Martha's mother forgets the details of each place, but ends up choosing Greenway Assisted Living. The main reason Martha could not take care of her mother in her own house anymore is because of how negative and stubborn she was. This especially impacted Martha's family. She was very stressed and never wanted to spend time with her husband and children. However, Judy did not know she was the one putting her down. When Judy moves into Greenway, Martha visits her every so often to driver her to all her doctor's appointments, and her favorite thing to do after wards which was to go out for an early dinner or ice cream.
I chose this quote because I feel like it describes the mood of the story now. As Martha says in the book, "Mom and I enjoy each other's company more now that we're not living in the same house". Over lunch when Martha visits, they attend a nearby restaurant. Judy was so excited that she just talks and ignores her food. As Martha listens she says, "I notice for the first time in many years that even without makeup, my mother is still beautiful. This beauty was hidden by the gauntness of early dementia when she lived alone, and by her dark moods when she lived in my home. Today her smile is genuine- stunning- her laugh generous and usually directed at herself". After a few weeks of not seeing her mother everyday and being around all the dark moods, Martha found herself missing her mother. Each time she saw her, the visit would get more enjoyable. Martha and Judy had a hard time living with each other and being around each other every single day for a long period of time. But, so far it has helped their relationship tremendously. Below, I found an online source that states eight reasons taking a break from someone is more effective and I found everyone of them to be true.
8 reasons taking a break from someone is more effective.
1. When apology, affection, and a promise of action fails to work, and a quick "sorry" or "I love you" does not work either, taking a break may be the answer.
2. Stepping aside and finding yourself can be vital, especially after years of commitment.
3. Give yourself and your partner, family member, friend (whoever you need a break from) the opportunity to let your heart(s) grow fonder.
4. Is the relationship becoming stormy? You no longer hear one another, you can hardly sustain a conversation without erupting into a full blown fight within minutes. So it may be worth looking into taking a break and getting yourselves together individually.
5. Both time and distance have been known to refuel love and longing for one another.
6. Learn more about your loved one, take the opportunity to return to your loved one with a fresh set of eyes and ears.
7. Taking a break does not mean going your separate ways and never seeing/talking to that individual.
8. Being apart from a certain individual can truly show you what it is your missing when they're not besides you.
Link to why taking a break is more effective
I felt like this quote connected to me well. When I was a little girl I lived with my mom, dad, two brothers, and sister. I would always fight with my brother , especially over the stupidest things. Although he is much older than me, as a joke, he loved to play around and get me mad when we were together. When my brother became more interested in the Navy and moving on with his life, he moved out of my house. He ended up in Virginia, where his base was for Navy training. After a few months passed, I missed my brother more than I could imagine. Although we fought, and there were a few days of dark moods, I found all the positive things about my brother. Time apart made me realize how lucky I am to have such an amazing brother. Distance for sure is awful, but when I do visit him, it is the best time ever. Being away from someone makes the part when you do see them better. Like Martha, being away from her mother made the times with her more enjoyable. It is hard being around the same person 24/7, and obviously you will get in fights but having time away from each other helped our relationship and would definitely help other relationships.
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This is a very thought-provoking post. Thank you for including the eight reasons portion.
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