Mary Jane Nealon
Grief and how to deal with it
The death of Mary Jane's brother, Johnny, was the climax of the story. Every character struggled after his death. Her father disappeared north into alcohol, her mother moved south into prayer, her sister commuted toward the East River to work in a bank, and Mary Jane went back to the cancer center's hematology ward to care for other dying young boys, in hope to look for her brother. Since this book is written in first person, her grief and the way she goes about it and deals with it, is talked about the most in this memoir. Mary Jane stated she worked so well with the cancer patients at the hospital. Since she went through grieving and dealing with a loss in her family due to cancer, she was able to succeed in talking to each family about their fears. She was able to comfort all the mothers, and understood the fathers that would go down the hall to the bar or their office. Outside of the hospital Mary Jane took poetry workshops. She never saw her parents and called them once a week. The hospital she was working at was looking for a group of nurses to go to Cambodia at that time, to work in a refugee camp, and of course she signed up. They ended up in Bangkok. Working in Bangkok, she was surrounded by death, however she said she was oddly comforted by it. A lot of the young boy's took the shape of her brother's body, so she say him in them. Each body and each tragedy reminded her that she was not alone in her tragedy. In this world there are so many people who go through getting cancer, starvation, or different sicknesses. She is not the only one.
Four years after her brother's death she sat alone and wrote poems after poems about Johnny's death. Since his death she had to deal with the challenge of bringing hope and healing to her family. Since her parents were grieving in their own way it was hard for her to bring that closer to home. Before Mary Jane was about to move to Hawaii to become a flying nurse, she saved enough money to send her parents to Ireland for three weeks. Her mom was extremely happy, especially since there was holy water in every room. She felt like she had done a good thing for once in her life. Her dad was struggling with his son's death in the wrong way and she felt bringing them together would help. Mary Jane says, "Their grief was a dolmen in the woods. A fox, golden and noble, circled it. They lifted the heaviest rock themselves and placed it on top and walked into the corn. In the cornfields everything was sweet. They tasted the way grief could shift in their mouths and came home and always said it was the best trip of their lives" (Nealon, 49). Instead of being at home to lay in the grief, Ireland's goats could carry their grief and carry it for them, up the cliffs, over the rocks, to the other side of the hill, the side facing the sun. They were now dealing with their grief the right way.
Everybody in their lifetime will eventually go through some type of grief. In today's society, alcohol and drug abuse is huge. There have been more and more cases, deaths, overdoses, sicknesses, and/or arrests due to substance abuse. Substance abuse can start from peer pressure, thinking its cool, for the high or the buzz, or being influenced by a parent, sibling, or friend. Everybody will eventually lose a loved one in their lifetime. It may be awful to say, but it is reality. With a death there comes grief. Grief can be defined as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. Everybody handles their grief differently. For instance, Mary Jane dealt with her grief the best way. She continued working and instead of turning to alcohol and substance abuse she found things to work with that reminded her of Johnny. She wanted to feel that he was still with her in a spiritual way. However, there are people who do turn to substance abuse. In this case, her dad. People turn to alcohol or drugs in a desperate way to numb the pain , sadness, and grief. This can turn to the development of alcohol or drug addiction, which can lead to further problems. The reason I chose grief as a theme of this book, is because it impacts the whole family and each family member is different, but the way Mary Jane brings her family closer is inspiring and a big part of the story.
This is a website I found that focuses on grief and substance abuse and I thought it was very interesting and important to read about.
Grief and Substance Abuse- Coping after a loss
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