Tuesday's Blog- November 1

"I fully accept, as well, that I am my mother's advocate in all situations, that I am the only person who knows best what my mother needs and wants. I no longer shirk or swerve or defer" (Stettinius, 217).

This week I am reading the last hundred pages of my book, Inside the Dementia Epidemic- a daughter's memoir by Martha Stettinius. The part of the book I am currently at focuses on Martha's mother's transitions. Judy keeps on moving to different care settings. Something I noticed about this book is how the author, Martha Stettinius focuses on each transition, the challenges the transitions bring, and each lesson Martha has learned along the way. The last assisted living place Judy attended did not fully care for her. The RA's could not provide 24/7 care. Since Judy repeatedly would wet the bed, fall out of bed, not be able to shower, etc., Martha had to hire a personal aid that would look after her all the time, on top of paying for the assisted living home. Martha states it was hard to pay for the costs of an assisted living place that did not provide the care she needed. She searched for knew assisted living places, making them moving around repeatedly. Martha found her mom a great living home, named Elm Heaven. Martha says, "I am soon increasingly impressed with Elm Heaven. They have ordered a different style of Depends- the kind in one piece, like underwear, without the side tabs that made it so easy for Mom to rip them off. No more waking up in a wet bed. Problem solved. 

I thought this quote meant a lot to the book because it shows how Martha has changed throughout the book. At the beginning she had a hard time excepting that her mother was developing Alzheimer's disease. She had a hard time understanding what her mother was going through. Martha had to put her life on hold to take care of her mother. She had to give up working, being with her children and husband, her every day activities, and her time to take care of her mother. It is not that she did not want to take care of her mother, but she wanted to and she needed to because she loved her mother so much and her relationship with her mother meant the world to her. Martha did everything to make her mother happy. She took her back to her cottage where she lived before she developed Alzheimer's. She took her for a canoe ride, hoping she would feel the rowboat rock softly on the water so she could experience the joy in the lake she used to feel It is those little things Martha did for her mom that shows the character of Martha. Martha would occasionally get phone calls from the RA's at Elm Heaven, informing her that Judy would sometimes go missing or not be in her room. Every time, Martha would drop what she was doing, whether that be working or being with her children, to go check on her mother. Again, that shows who Martha really is. When she would leave Elm Haven, she would give her mom a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. She leaves Elm Haven without fear and worry, but confidence that the staff will give her mother lots of extra attention. Martha now knows the has managed to help Judy feel peaceful. This is where I found this quote, "I fully accept, as well, that I am my mother advocate in all situations......" After learning about Dementia and Alzheimer's more thoroughly, she understands what her mother is going through and the only way to help her through this tough time is to be there for her and guide her. And that is what Martha has discovered, accepting that she is the only person who knows best for what her mother needs and wants. 

I felt like this quote connects to me because it helps me better understand the change and the learning Martha has gone through. Since my grandmother is slowly developing Alzheimer's disease, this book has impacted my knowledge on Dementia and Alzheimer's disease. I plan to help my grandmother in the future, whether that be taking her to her favorite places to make her happy, being there when she needs help changing or going to the bathroom. Family is always first to me, and although my grandmother is not my biological mother, she is the next closest thing to one and I fully accept that both my mother and I know my grandmother the best and we will continue to help her everyday and make sure she has the love and attention she needs.